Chapter 7 Reading Notes: Important Points to Focus On

Lecture 5 for 2-27-08

Chapters 7 and 8 Reading Notes

Quotations:

“It is wise to remain silent in the world of gossip.” Maxwell Maltz

“How united we become depends on how much we appreciate diversity.” Sharon Hanna

“I note the obvious differences between each sort and type, but we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” Maya Angelou

I. Importance of Interpersonal Skills. Formal training in the area of interpersonal communication and relations is not common. Positive relationships do not just happen.

A. Promoting Positive Relations. “Highest on the list of employable qualities are interpersonal skills—the ability to interact with and relate to all kinds of people is absolutely essential.” Marcia Phelps, Ph.D., Director of Career Development Services, University of West Florida, Pensacola, Florida.

B. Positive Relationships require efforts and work. Be responsible for the quality of the experiences you have with others in the workplace. How can we create a positive work environment?

a. At the heart of all interactions and relationships is communication. Throughout your career, your communication skills will either “make you or break you.” The essential skill in the workforce for the twenty-first century is the ability to communicate appropriately (Sabo, 2000). See textbook

b. Realistic Expectations: Remember that nobody is perfect and that we are all humanly limited. Do not expect that a relationship will be 100 percent harmonious and that people will always act as you want. If you feel overworked and overwhelmed, you can take steps to improve the situation. Question on page 273: “Have you ever worked for someone who had unrealistic expectations? If so, what were they and what did you do?

c. Positiveness and Friendliness: Maintain a positive attitude at the workplace. Do not give off an aura of “doom and gloom.” A positive attitude is your most empowering asset. Seeing the pleasant in the middle of the unpleasant is greatly appreciated. Friendliness is a positive behavior. Greeting others with a smile is expected in the workplace. Use the person’s name as you greet him or her. Sincerity is also important. Another friendly behavior is to express interest in other people by asking about their vacation plans, hobbies, and family. Stay away from sensible inquiries!!!!!

d. Fraternizing means socializing with others from your workplace. Generally co-workers are not restricted from social activities with each other outside of work. (You may be discouraged from dating or becoming seriously involved with a co-worker. There may be rules regarding socializing with a supervisor). Avoid spending too much time being friendly instead of doing your work!!!!

e. Sensitivity and Understanding: Sensitivity is the sense of the perceptions of others and being able to discern the world from their perspectives. When you take the time to get to know one another and are sensitive, you create a more positive environment. “Emotional empathy and a tendency to join with others are related to career and financial success (Mehrabian, 2000). Sensitivity and understanding enable us to accept that people have their own preferred modes of thinking and behaving. Be aware of the difference among the four temperament/personality types: SJ or sensing-Judging, SP or sensing-perceiving, NF or intuitive-feeling, NT or intuitive-thinking on page 275.

f. Supportiveness: Sensitivity sets the stage for helpful actions that show understanding and caring. (Send positive notes and comments to a co-worker who is afflicted by some bad event.) Go over the cases on page 277. Remember that to those in need, positive, supportive interactions are powerful influences.

g. Cooperation and Collaboration. Cooperation is to work willing and agreeably with another person. Collaboration: participants contribute ideas or efforts to solve a problem or produce an end result.

h. Develop Negotiation skill to help solve conflict which is disagreement. See page 278 and 279. Read the examples.

i. Consideration and Helpfulness: Being thoughtful and showing courtesy are appreciated behaviors. Approachability checking: Ask if it is a good time to talk. “Do you have a few minutes right now?” is polite and sets the state for a positive exchange. Be considerate and avoid irritating behaviors such as playing loud music and hoarding equipment etc. Relating positively to others means that you are keenly aware of what would typically be offensive or annoying and try to avoid these behaviors. SEE Key Info on page 281!!!!

j. Consideration means that you will not engage in gossiping, defined as idle talk about others. “Be friendly to everyone and avoid gossiping like the plague. It is a waste of time. Do not be petty and unethical!

k. Teamwork is expected and your contribution is vital to the total effort.

l. Praise: appropriate verbal affirmations can create a warm atmosphere. Positive strokes are verbal and nonverbal behaviors given in reference to another that feel good to the receiver. (Compliment, Congratulate, thank and simply tell someone you enjoy working with him or her).

m. Appreciation of diversity: Recognize that today’s work world is mosaic of diverse ethnicities, races, religions, sexual orientations, and ages etc. Multiculturalism is the appreciation of differences.

II. Managing Conflict Effectively

A. Disagreement will inevitably occur despite your best efforts.

a. Choices in Conflict Situations: Be the actor instead of being a reactor and decide how to behave. Ignore an irritation.

b. Eliminate unwillingness to take responsibility in a conflict situation. Do not blame it on somebody else. Eliminate comments such as “He is just impossible,” “Nobody can get along with her,” “I can’t help it.” Do not blame it on the others, employer, the weather and the time of the month. Conflict Styles are the ways people handle conflict. Competitive or aggressive style: Aggression is used to defeat what that individual perceives as an opponent or adversary. The intent is to win or get one’s way in a confrontation. Avoiders tend to gunnysack or suppress legitimate grievances and irritants or “stuff” them into an imaginary gunnysack. If you do not want to damage your own health, stay away from that!!!!! Resentment builds up over time.

B. Characteristics of Effective Conflict Managers:

a. Self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself, you will not see conflict as a personal war. You will try to resolve the issues.

b. Assertiveness: Use the open style of verbalization

c. Optimism. For the optimists, issues can be resolved. Negaholics dampen the spirits of those involved.

d. Internal locus of control: When people are responsible for their own behaviors, conflicts are easier to handle. An internal locus of control means that others do not control your thoughts and behaviors. You can choose to be civil even though another is being rude.

e. (Flexibility: be able to see the other’s perspective; Positive communication skills, understanding, sense of humor, read the example. )

f. Conflict management skills ( fighting is defined as a way of resolving a disagreement; fair fighting consists of behaviors that aim to resolve conflict in an amicable way). See Page 290.

C. Dealing with Difficult People: The difficult person may be an irritable co-worker, a passive-aggressive supervisor, or a hostile client. See the types of Difficult people on Page 292. Ask Class questions!!!

D. Coping with a Difficult boss: Page 294. Some individuals value control more than people. Question: Have you ever had a difficult boss? What made the person difficult? How did you handle it?

E. Forgiving and Moving On: Let go. Do not carry grudges. Grudge bearers damage themselves as much as they do others. Harboring grudges, resentments, and other bitter feelings requires energy and ends up diminishing your own self-esteem. The inability to forgive can lead to increased blood pressure, loss of sleep and other health problems. The person who forgives is released from anger and freed from any psychological hold the injurer may have had. (VOR, victim offender Reconciliation). Remember that you can forgive without forgetting. Do not have a “let’s get even attitude.”

Do you have a grudge? Is there someone you haven’t forgiven? Challenge yourself to do so and move on with your life!!!!!!

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